In these last few days, Momma feels so torn. I cannot wait to meet you, to see you & hold you & know that every moment in my life has pointed me to that moment. I cannot wait for that moment that they will place you on my chest, fulfilling an entire year of promise & anticipation. I know I will cry, but only because I will not believe I will have lived 30 years without you.
The other day, I felt you press your leg up against the left side of my belly...I looked down & on impulse, pinched your little foot & shook it gently. You pulled it back quickly...so much like your father that it made my heart melt. & then just as shyly, you pressed your foot right back into my hand. A little message from you -- "Hi, Momma." & I shook it again to say, "Hi, Baby." & in that moment, I fell more in love with you than I ever thought possible. I ached & yearned to be able to truly hold your foot in the palm of my hand, not knowing if I could stand the next week of waiting.
But in so many ways, I yearn to keep you with me & inside me forever. When I think of one word to describe you, the only word that comes to mind is "Mine." You are mine, fully, completely, & I am yours just as assuredly. I am the only one that has felt every nudge, delighted in every hiccup, & cried with every beat of your heart. & in these last final days, I wonder -- did I cherish this enough? Did I really sit & think of the wonder of carrying you? Did it sink in the entire nine months what a miracle you are, or were there days when I took that miracle for granted? & deep in my heart, I know that these past nine months have been perfection. For if they were not, I would not be grasping onto these last few days with such tenacity & hope.
I felt such a fear at the idea of greeting you so soon, but that seems to be waning as I think of your sweet blue eyes that will gaze up at me, full of trust & wonder. I still do not feel prepared (and probably never will) but I know that you & I will learn together. Because, my sweet little boy...you are mine. Fully, completely. & I am yours, just as assuredly.
And now I'm crying again ;o) 
Here's a rough sketch of the custom art work I have on order with Jennifer at PoshPaints. She's been incredible to work worth, and I can't wait to see the finished product! You must check her out!
I'll be back after my massage, mani & pedi to do a 39 week update. See you then :)
3 comments:
What a moving post!! Thanks for sharing. :)
Oh no- I feel that "I want a baby" pang! There are so many reasons I can come up with not to expand our family past four but the feeling of creating a child and all that goes with it (even the unbearable vomiting and aches and pains)really makes me think twice. Boy did that post get my mind going! You are so close- enjoy the peace and quiet, moments alone and his little kicks ( i miss the little kicks!) :)
That is such a true post for so many of us moms...s
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